News from Texas...

First of all I want to thank you all for your many prayers, words of encouragement and just being there for us on this crazy journey.  We received the phone call tonight from Texas and SURPRISE, the birth mom there did not chose us for her baby.  I'm feeling a bit sarcastic, sorry.  I am over the whole showing, thinking, choosing, waiting part of this.  I am a bit discouraged.  I'll get over it and bounce back but for the moment I'm feeling like just call us when the baby is born and we'll come get him or her.  Seriously that is the way to go.  None of this let's meet the birth mom, get to know her, be there for the birth and all that good stuff, just call when it's time.  I had to vent...  That's not really how I feel I just had to get it out...

Back in the mix...

I couldn't even post about this on Friday because I felt that you all needed a break from the roller coaster we are on.  I guess what I'm feeling is sadness, one adoptive parent put it like this:  It's an adoption miscarriage.  Adoption is a whole new world of pregnancy and the feeling of loss is just the same.  It is interesting to think that we could have connected and already felt a bond to this baby, but the result is we did, and we even named him.  We bought clothes (not many) and of course saved the receipts, but non the less we were bonding in the adoption way.  I think the worse day was Wednesday when they upped the price of this adoption by so much and I knew in my heart that this was not going to work out.  I cried then, I was sad.  I couldn't believe that our situation was unfolding in this manner.  I didn't want it to be like this.  All week I was so excited to meet the birth mom and focusing on that but in the back of my head the red flags kept presenting themselves.  Joe kept saying that is our baby out there and let's work it out, but once the last red flag presented itself his mind changed and he knew too.

Now for the roller coaster...  Late Friday afternoon we received yet another call that a mother might pick us.  Yes we did!  Obviously this time around and due to the circumstances we were not jumping for joy.  That is sad to me as well.  I didn't want to become numb to the phone calls but here we are.  Long story semi short is there is a birth mom in TX that picked 2 families out of 9 and we are one of them.  The social worker in TX called me Friday and I didn't expect that since we haven't been chosen yet.  She wanted to call the families and give them the low down on the birth mother's situation because there is a lot to her story.  Which I can't say I didn't want but it's a lot to take on.  I took several notes and I spoke with this women for over an hour, she had a lot to share.  What I did learn is that this agency in TX that has one of our profile books seems very legit, the social worker is a licensed social worker as well as the CEO of this adoption agency and she was thorough and nice.  We will find out more tomorrow. 

Our Decision...

So many red flags, this is all so very disappointing.  Yesterday more shadiness occurred when I was crossing my T's and dotting my I's.  We feel like this ACC agency in Utah is extremely unprofessional and crossed many ethical boundaries and did really try and take advantage of us.  Not an agency we are comfortable working with.  Therefore the sad result is that we will not be adopting this baby.  I am sad for the birth mom who picked us for all the right reasons.  I have no idea how honest this agency is going to be with her and only hope that she is matched with another great family.  This is a loss..

Gray Area...

 I remember settling small homeowner and boat claims back in my early 20's (man that makes me sound old), and every time I researched a claim to it's policy it came down to my interpretation because most sections were not black and white, in fact there was a lot of gray area.  Turns out that even a bi-racial baby can be gray! 

Let me just say it like it is.  We checked all boxes for all ethnicity's for our adoption.  We did not limit ourselves to any one specific race.  This was our families decision and I realize not all adoptive families take the same route.  This is what we are comfortable doing.  We knew we would need to educate ourselves better and have as well as continue to.  It just so happens that a bi-racial mother picked us to be the family of her baby boy growing in her womb.  She has been looking through families since April and when she was presented ours, she just knew it.  Turns out that the mother of the baby is bi-racial and the father is white/Caucasian.  The ugly truth about adoption agencies is some charge extra for white babies.  Since this baby will only be 1/4 black they decided to up sell the baby as a white baby instead of a bi-racial baby.  Yup, therefore adding an additional $15,000 which yes is ABSURD!  This is not acceptable, completely ridiculous and not to mention the obvious but something we can NOT afford.  I'm no fool.  I'm not desperate and I find it very unsettling that this agency in UT is doing this.  Somehow, somewhere there was some misrepresentation.  Don't you worry, I had Amanda in TN and Jessica in GA going to bat for us.  This is something that Jessica has never delt with through this agency.  GA has had 30 successful adoptions through this agency in UT in the past 2 years.  This situation is putting that relationship in jeopardy and not only hurting us but going to hurt this birth mother who by the way thinks I'm on a plane to meet her...

All day yesterday, I went back and forth with Amanda and Jessica as they were all going back and forth with UT, it was crazy.  I also talked with a CPA about some $$ concerns of mine and learned a lot.  Anyhow the UT agency came down $3000 and that's when we had to make an emotionally hard decision and say NO.  It broke my heart.  As soon as we made that decision the phone rang again and they decided to come down significantly.  I'm sad because the initial joy I felt for this has turned into a financial decision.  The financial part of adoption is tricky, it's emotional and draining.  I can't explain how I feel right now.  I can't tell you what decision is going to be made, I seriously pray I would get some confirmation one way or another and some peace about this and what is going on. 

 

Emotionally spent...

I want a time out...just kidding!!  Adoption is just straight up HARD.  For those of you who've walked down this path, you understand, and those who've been following along with us, listening to me rant over the phone and when we see each other - I'm sure you see what I'm going through.  There is so much more than just putting a profile together and getting picked and then bringing home your child. The emotional level of adoption is something else.  I am extremely overwhelmed right now.

I'm going to explain to all because I can't verbally talk about it to anyone anymore because I'm drained.  Yes our adoption plan/process thus far has been extremely smooth thanks to Amanda at Heaven Sent Children.  Everyone kept pointing out how smoothly it has gone for us and how that's been such a great sign.  Well, long story short, Yes we got picked by "an incredible birth mom" and it's everything I could have asked for. She is very certain about adoption, she wants us a part of the delivery, she wants to meet me, she wants a semi-open adoption and all the amazing things I hoped for out of this.  However; we should have never been presented to her as an option because she was out of our budget and I had no idea until last night.  That is what I'm dealing with right now.  Somewhere and somehow GA and UT had a miscommunication and we were shown to someone out of our budget. 

I Love Amanda, I called her this morning and just shared everything that I am going through and she is just the best.  She is going to call UT and advocate for me, find out where the paperwork is, what happened and help me.  She even offered to come watch Lola so I can get some stuff done.  She is a blessing, she helped me focus, she commiserated with me and totally gets me and what I'm feeling right now.  She learned a lot about Joe and I in our Home Study and how we operate and she knows what a blow this is to me and how I am feeling about the extra money.  They say God never gives us more than we can handle, but actually he does it's just we can't do it without Him. 

All in a day...

 As you can see the room was fitting for a boy with blue but this was from the original owners of this house as they used this room for their son but it is not my taste.  It's been fine for all our guests but now we are going to re-create this room with some flavor...

 We thought Lola would have been painting the whole room, but her friends from across the street were over and they all were playing so much that I had to pull her away to get this shot.  She did enjoy putting the first rolls of paint up in her soon to be brother's room!  We picked a color from Restoration Hardware named Silver Sage and had Sherwin Williams whip it up in Cashmere finish which if you haven't used that paint before, you have no idea what you are missing.  I highly recommend  it for your next painting job!  Plus is was 40% off!!

 Believe it or not I did a lot of the painting I just have no pictures of me because I am taking them :)  This is Joe finishing up where I couldn't reach.  We did two coats and only one coat of edging. 

After so much hard work moving furniture all day, painting and not to mention parenting.  There were three to four girls running in and out of the house all day, jumping in the pool, signing as loud as they could, building forts, and giggling often!  We were exhausted and hungry but you know me, I had to have the crib out and together so I could play!  Joe was like no-way, but none of us had eaten anything and it was 8pm.  So we decided to order pizza while the guys, with love, put the crib together for me...

I am totally going to have me some fun making this room flavorful but for now, today, I am planning my trip to Utah and might possibly be running around like a headless chicken!

What happened to the day?

All I remember is getting the phone call around 9ish and the next thing you know it's 4:30pm!  I did some pacing and talking today!  I might be hoarse tomorrow!  Thank goodness the girls across the street came over to play so Lola was busy because I certainly was not entertaining her today.  I found out so much about birth mom and I'm excited to say that I'm going to try to fly out to Utah next week to meet her.  Without devulging too much personal information on her, I will share with you that she is 26, she has firmly chose us to adopt her child.  She is scheduled to be induced on 9/12 but her social worker believes that she might have an earlier delivery near the end of August or hopefully 9/5.  Mom has high blood pressure and has had 2 previous births and they were early.  The birth mom lives at the Adoption housing and has had prenatal care and continues to.  Mom and baby are very healthy:)  She would be "over the moon" if she could meet with me first but understands it's costly.  I was so happy to hear that.  I want to meet her, I want to hug her, bring her our plant and get to know as much as she is willing to share with me so that I will have that information.  While I was talking with her social worker I was taking notes and thinking to myself how these are the notes that my son is going to be reading as he learns about his birth mom.  This is so special, neat and simply an amazing blessing.  Also, she would be interested in me being a part of her delivery and all I can say is WOW!  I think after we get to meet, talk, get to know each other a little the more special it will be.  I feel truly blessed.  Joe is right there with me along with Lola and this is such a special time in our lives.  I have a lot to do.  Right now I need to figure out how to get to Utah and when.