Fingerprints

Joe and I went this morning to get our fingerprints ran through the FBI.  We have been told this can take anywhere from 2-8 weeks to get back the results. 
Yesterday we went to a 4 hour adoption conference presented by Jayne Schooler.  Jayne has written a few books on adoption and other related issues.  The classes we have been attending have been very informative and we are grateful for all the information we are getting.  It is great to know there is such a support system for adoptive parents in our generation that wasn't available in previous generations. 
We are getting through most of the paper work.  I had a stack for Joe on Saturday for him to complete so I could check it off the list and I am finally starting to see some wood on our kitchen table! 
  

First Home Study

Yesterday was our first home study visit with Amanda, it took around 4 hours.  We signed a ton of paperwork, we went over all the rest of the paperwork that needs to be completed and we did a Q&A for the majority of the visit.  Amanda definitely got to know more about Joe and I as we were very comfortable sharing and talking with her.  Overall it was a successful visit.  She didn't run out of here after hearing about our lives so I'm going to take that as a positive!!  We have already scheduled our next visit for 3/1.  My plan for then is to have all the paperwork in the picture completed so if you can't find us in the next week, you'll know what we are up to. 

Our First Education Class

Last night Joe and I attended a class from our agency.  The topic was "How to talk to your child about adoption".  We found this class extremely informative.  We were in a room with many other families at different places in the adoption process and it was good to be in their company.  We learned the importance of sharing your child's adoption story with them from the moment you have your child.  Even if they are an infant becoming comfortable with your own words will make it more natural for you as a parent talking to them as they get older and ask questions.  We received information on how to address adoption Q&A's at different stages as your child grows.  We also heard stories from different adoptive parents on their personal journey of discussing it with their children.  Each story was different and each child is different, even if they have the same parents.  Your child's personality will play a big role in how often and how descriptive you are at certain times in their life.  I felt like because Joe and I are already parents some of what they were explaining was very clear to us because we could relate it to how we already parent.  Another important part of adoption that Joe and I learned was that being adopted is that child's story, not ours, and not for anyone else to share.  For example, if your child is of a different ethnic background then you, it will be obvious to others.  If we were at the grocery store checkout and the cashier asks did we adopt them, as the parent you need to consult your child prior to answering that.  It will be necessary for our family to set boundaries with strangers and friends.  We also went through "The Seven Core Issues Of Adoption".  Every child will eventually go through these issues and we need to be aware.  They are, Loss, Rejection, Guilt and Shame, Grief, Identity, Intimacy and Relationships, and Control Issues.  As we were looking over the handout I could relate so well to most of those seven issues.  Everyone's story is different and mine is that my mother left me when I was eleven.  I haven't had a relationship with her since.  While Joe and I were reading the information we found it interesting that I went through those things and I went through them in my early 20's.  Joe was around at that time in my life and he remembers it well and we just were able to relate.  We felt like we were reading my life story for a moment.  With having been through some of those issues myself, I hope that it helps us recognize, comfort and guide our child with these issues. 

Lola's Enthusiasm

Since we've told Lola about adoption and what it means for our family, she has been excited.  Her immediate response was "I want both a brother and a sister".  She then went into telling us how she would love to feed the baby and make silly faces at the baby but has no desire to change any dirty diapers.  The next day she went to school and told her teacher all about adoption, she even wrote a short story about having a baby brother.  Her excitement and want for this next chapter in our lives is affirmation to us that we are on the right path.  This brings me to the picture.  Part of the home study process is that Joe and I need to write an autobiography.  We were given an outline to follow.  I worked on mine last week and Joe spent about 3 hours red-penning my rough draft's yesterday.  During this time Lola was watching and I was designing the blog.  She pulled out a piece of paper and wrote UDOPT (phonetic for adopt), then asked her Daddy to write out her thoughts.  It says:
"When you adopt: By Lola
- It's very important
-You have to do a lot of stuff
- It's really really cool to have a brother and sister
- You have to take a lot of care of them"

She then started red-penning her copy just like her daddy was doing to mine.  She was so eager to be a part yesterday while we were so busy working on adoption "stuff".