Our First Education Class

Last night Joe and I attended a class from our agency.  The topic was "How to talk to your child about adoption".  We found this class extremely informative.  We were in a room with many other families at different places in the adoption process and it was good to be in their company.  We learned the importance of sharing your child's adoption story with them from the moment you have your child.  Even if they are an infant becoming comfortable with your own words will make it more natural for you as a parent talking to them as they get older and ask questions.  We received information on how to address adoption Q&A's at different stages as your child grows.  We also heard stories from different adoptive parents on their personal journey of discussing it with their children.  Each story was different and each child is different, even if they have the same parents.  Your child's personality will play a big role in how often and how descriptive you are at certain times in their life.  I felt like because Joe and I are already parents some of what they were explaining was very clear to us because we could relate it to how we already parent.  Another important part of adoption that Joe and I learned was that being adopted is that child's story, not ours, and not for anyone else to share.  For example, if your child is of a different ethnic background then you, it will be obvious to others.  If we were at the grocery store checkout and the cashier asks did we adopt them, as the parent you need to consult your child prior to answering that.  It will be necessary for our family to set boundaries with strangers and friends.  We also went through "The Seven Core Issues Of Adoption".  Every child will eventually go through these issues and we need to be aware.  They are, Loss, Rejection, Guilt and Shame, Grief, Identity, Intimacy and Relationships, and Control Issues.  As we were looking over the handout I could relate so well to most of those seven issues.  Everyone's story is different and mine is that my mother left me when I was eleven.  I haven't had a relationship with her since.  While Joe and I were reading the information we found it interesting that I went through those things and I went through them in my early 20's.  Joe was around at that time in my life and he remembers it well and we just were able to relate.  We felt like we were reading my life story for a moment.  With having been through some of those issues myself, I hope that it helps us recognize, comfort and guide our child with these issues.