We Finalized!!

Our Adoption Journey is completed!!

On Monday May 20th,we had our court date for finalization.  It was such an amazing day!

Joe's parents were in town and got to be a part of the big moment which was super special.  The Judge pretty much had Joe and I recite our vows regarding staying together until 'death do us part'.  It was all done over the phone on speaker.  Everyone in the room had to announce themselves, Joe and I were sworn in by Amanda and when all was said and done, he legally became ours.  During the entire phone call Joe and I could not stop smiling, and then when it was over I cried tears of joy and relief...  It was truly a beautiful moment...

This little guy has brought so much happiness to our family and friends - he is loved so much!
 

Almost Final!

We've been super busy last month with Spring Break.  We traveled back home to be with some family and friends.  We've had family and friends come visit all while trying to find our groove with our new addition.    I'm loving it and I know Joe is too!  We feel very blessed.  I can't believe Jude will be 3 months old soon, how neat to be here at this point of our journey.  It is truly amazing and he seriously is the sweetest little boy ever!!  

We are having our third and last post placement visit on Saturday.  Amanda wanted to see Lola with Jude and ask her some questions so she decided a weekend would be best.  We also received an email this week from the Florida agency providing us our court date -it's in May!!  I'm not sure what to expect other than Joe and I answering some questions and then hopefully it will be FINAL!!  It's all done over the phone, in the comfort of our home, with of course our notary Amanda right by our side.  I'm looking forward to Amanda explaining what we should expect so we are prepared.  

At this point in our journey I find myself faced with different and new questions everyday.  The questions have never stopped, they just used to be related to getting to the birth of our hopeful baby, to will the birth parents change their mind, to now, how to handle the many questions that arise on a daily basis when you adopt?  Especially when you adopt and become a trans racial family.  Where ever we go, the airport, the grocery store, the GAP, people are constantly inquiring.  I said it before, we learned all about this but until you fully emerge yourself in it - you never are ready.  I know people do not mean harm and are just nosy, but when you don't adopt and have a biological child, these questions don't arise.  I feel like being a smart ass sometimes and I find myself getting defensive almost.  The other day in the grocery store a sweet little old lady went up to Joe and asked 'Where did we get her?', Luckily Joe got away with just correcting his sex and didn't elaborate.  However in my mind I was thinking of saying 'isle 5 next to the pasta'.  I know she didn't mean any harm, but for some reason it feels invasive.  However on the flip side of it, one of the ladies in the airport came up to us because she is in the middle of adopting ,and just was inquiring information and of course, I was sharing.  This isn't meant sound negative or anything, it's is what it is and I've been keeping it real with you all from the beginning and this is just another part of it.  This part won't end though, it's just going to change to people asking Jude the same questions we are getting now.  One class last year, one of the social workers at our agency explained how she role plays with her children and I get it.  It will be necessary so Jude is prepared.  I signed up for a webinar next week and am going to purchase some books.  I realize we are only 3 months in and at some point down road we will hopefully come to a comfort zone with all the questions but for now all I can do is educate myself and my family and continue to surround myself around other adoptive families.  

In this technology driven world we live in these days, tons of information is just a click away and I find myself in a strange place because of our semi-open adoption.  I don't want to share the specifics but they are leading me to evaluate my motives, my life, and my priorities at this time and I may be making some changes to be offline.  I don't know what that means for this blog or for staying as private as possible on Facebook (is that an oxymoron?), but I definitely need to feel comfortable with some things which may lead to some changes. 

We are so very grateful for everyone following along in this amazing journey with us, for the mad support you have all expressed, for the baby showers, sip and see's, words of encouragement, monetary donations, the dinners, and love you've shown to our family.  Thank you all!!  We couldn't more happy to have our son Jude, he is so amazing - just like his big sister, Lola!! 

 

A few things...

Last week we had our second of three post placement visits with Amanda (our original social worker), during our adoption process she had adopted and took several months off to bond with her daughter.  It was nice to have her back in our mix.  She asked me to share our journey with her and I did, she told me our experience was not on the normal scale of how things typically go down in an adoption.  There is so much that I left out on this blog because of several reasons, some of you whom I talk with often know most of it but in short, there was a lot of stuff that went on that shouldn't have and there were services that we paid for that we did not receive.  Our experience should not have been what it was and during our match it was emotionally difficult to imagine we'd actually be on this end of the process.  Thankfully we are!!  Other than that, we are super blessed and grateful for our little man and madly in love with him.

He's over 2 months old and even though he's still on the small side (not yet 10lbs), he seems so much bigger to me.  I think he's a little pudge, considering he was only 5.11 when he was born - I think he's doing quite well.  The breastfeeding is going great and I still sometimes think back to all that pumping wondering what on earth I was doing and don't believe I did all that.  I'm sure glad I did because it's super cool to be able to breastfeed him.  I like that I can be an advocate to another adoptive parent who wants to try and breastfeed their adoptive child.  He's smiling more and more, he's cooing and I know his cries and what they mean.  He is very easy to sooth, except for when we drive to go pick up Lola and he sometimes screams his head off and I can't do anything about it, that breaks my heart, but he's getting better.  Big sister Lola sits next to him and on the way back she helps sooth him - it's sweet!

I've encountered some experiences that I read about in our adoption books and learned about in the classes but of course wasn't quite prepared for.  Two different times, two different women whom darn well know I wasn't pregnant thought that I gave birth - nope I wasn't prepared for that.  I felt the need to correct them and advise them that we adopted him.  It was my initial reaction and I never really thought someone would think that I gave birth to him, knowing my husband too?!  Another woman the other day was looking at him, telling me how cute he was and then asked me if his father was black.  I was totally caught off guard and explained that again we adopted him and no his father is not.  As soon as I got home I opened one of my books and it had that exact scenario in it and it suggested that all I should have said was no his father is not.  It's real easy to read about how to handle these individual situations but when you catch yourself in them, caught of guard, it's not that easy.  Joe and I definitely need to get our answers straight and locked in our heads because we need to get used to knowing how to handle these things when they come up.  When we are out in public and people want to question - it's not our story to share anymore - it's his.  As he gets older and understands that he is adopted he might not want to blurt it out to strangers so I need to know how to back people off when they inquire.  I need to be armed with how to shut them down before they pry too much.  We knew this would be a challenge - it's definitely a new experience and not sharing everything is something I've never been that good at.  I just need to practice. 

It's been a while...

So it's been a while since I blogged...  We have just been enjoying every moment with our little one, not to mention the lack of sleep and adjusting to life with 2 kids!  I still haven't figured out how to cook dinner while holding a baby or shower every day but we are getting there.  I felt real good last week as I ventured out to the grocery store with both of them, only for a few items.  Joe was excited that I managed to cook a frozen lasagna.  I give mad props to those out there with multiple kids and jobs and so forth as this is tricky.  I remember it being tricky with just one too until we got into a rhythm and we are starting to slowly get there with Jude. He's almost 7 weeks old and starting to be more alert and taking to the swing and chair for longer periods so I can cook, shower, clean, and all that domestic stuff I'm supposed to do!! We want to also give a big THANK YOU to all of you for being so loving and generous.  We appreciated all the meals and all the presents for Jude and Lola - thank you...

We've had some visitors, Grandma stayed with us for a month which was so helpful and we are very grateful for our time with her.  She was there from Jude's birth in Florida to help and love us through that transition and then came back home with us and helped get us acclimated to our new life back here.  What an amazing gift and such a memorable time.  Soon after that my dad came to visit.  I picked him up from the airport and out from behind a pillar came my awesome cousin Karen to surprise us!  What a fabulous surprise!  They stayed for the weekend and just ate up all their time with Jude and Lola.  It was short lived but non the less awesome!

Big sister Lola is super!  She is an extremely proud big sis for sure.  She is helpful with him around the house and everyday can't wait to kiss and hug all over him.  We couldn't have asked for a more positive reaction from a little girl who's been an only child for six years.  She just welcomed and embraced her baby brother coming into our lives as if it was nothing and everything.  It's everything we could have hoped for and more...

We are loving every minute of this role again, as exhausting as it is, it's so precious and amazing!  I'm in love all over again and couldn't be more happy!  Here are some pictures of our time in Florida and cousin Karen loving all over Jude! 

We've had one of three post placement visits with our agency.  We should be done with those in April and then hopefully soon after that we will be finalizing this adoption.  It sometimes is so surreal that we are on this end of this journey...   

Still here...

Well, we are still here waiting to go home.  We haven't heard from the agency letting us know that our ICPC paperwork has been processed yet.  I do know that our home state has received it and then I believe all we do at this point is wait for them to process and return it to Florida, I don't really know how it all works.  I do know that we are more than ready to return home.  I'm a bit homesick.  Travel has always been hard for me and this is no exception.  We just want to be back among our friends, our home, we want to welcome Jude to his home!!  One thing I've learned in this experience is patience so I'm again trying to be patient. 

Lola loves her brother, she wakes up each morning and comes sneaking in our room to be with him.  Whenever he's just laying around awake she comes over and lays across from him and plays with him.  He is such a good baby, very chill!  He had his one week checkup yesterday with a doctor here and all is good.  We've taken many strolls along the beach, gone out to dinner a few times, and just relaxed.  Joe's been working remotely from the Condo and other than our weak WI-FI connection he's getting some stuff accomplished.  My mother is law is hanging in there helping us out - she loves just sitting with her grandson and he enjoys being all wrapped up in her arms.  Me, I'm tired - but loving every minute of it.  I can't remember being a family of three anymore, funny how that happens so immediately. 

Hopefully tomorrow we will hear that we can leave but it might not be till Friday.  Can't wait for you all to meet the little guy and I seriously can't wait for Lola to return to school.  She's been on the winter break that never ended.  My little girl needs her schedule back!!  In a way this has been a blessing because here we are learning to adjust to bringing home a baby and not having to worry about a schedule but then again too long without a schedule, we all need a schedule... 

He's Ours!!!

Wow!  What a crazy past three days...

They were very emotional, exciting, scary and challenging...Thanks everyone for the messages on fb, the prayers and support, it all helped so much.

Yesterday we were discharged from the hospital around 2pm and that is when he became ours!!  It was such an amazing feeling.  We couldn't wait to get out of there and get back to where we are staying, see Lola and just relax.  I can't even begin to explain how emotionally challenging that part of this process was, I was not prepared for that.

We got back to the condo and I felt an extremely needed sense of peace and as sleep deprived as I was - I was calm and happy.  I took a shower, fed Jude and then wrapped him in the Moby Wrap and Lola, Joe and I went out to the heated pool on the beach and watched Lola swim around...listen to the waves....watch the sun glisten on the water...and the palm trees blow in the wind!  Thank you God for that!!!  It couldn't have been any better. 

Now here we are waiting for the OK to come home.  Most likely it will be sometime next week, probably near the end of the week. Our paperwork will be filed with the courts today but since it's Friday they most likely won't get to it till next week.

Jude is awesome!  He's a very content little fella and the breastfeeding is going great!  He's a good eater.  He thrived in the hospital - everyone kept telling us how remarkable he was doing, he didn't even loose any percentile of weight because of all the milk!!  All that pumping really paid off.  Lola is being a wonderful, loving big sister to her baby brother. 

Today...

Where to begin...  I feel like I'm having an out of body experience!  We got here yesterday around noon and then immediately went out on the beautiful beach - the ocean is as clear green as ever and the sand so white.  Absolutely breathtaking.  It's kind of neat being here amidst the most emotional roller coaster inside and then our surroundings so zen like - it's perfect!

We met our potential birth parent's today for lunch around 1 and on my way there I seriously almost vomited, I was so nervous.  I don't ever remember being that nervous before.  Thank God because I really didn't know how I was going to get through it.  We did though and it was beautiful!  They were super sweet and it became extremely comfortable between all of us quickly.  We laughed a lot - they have such beautiful smiles and hours went by and we found ourselves still all sitting there chatting.  I think the social worker who met us wasn't prepared for the amount of time we all took getting to know each other, but non the less she thought it went great and was happy for both parties.  

We are so excited for tomorrow, she is scheduled for a c-section around 10am and we are looking forward to meeting up with them at the hospital tomorrow!  It's been an interesting evening, I'm emotionally drained for the moment and we can't wait to meet our hopeful baby boy!!