What's next???

Most everything is out of our control at this point.  I stopped by our agency to give Amanda the last of the paperwork along with a hand written, hard to read book review.  I really did read the book and loved it, but since we rely on typing, spell check, and not to mention it's been quite a few years since my last book review, I noticed my handwriting sucks, my grammar is awful, and I wish she would just file it and not read it :)  I feel numb at this moment.  While we were in the home study phase, we were in complete control, had daily tasks of paperwork, classes to attend, and things to look into.  Now, we are just waiting!  We are waiting for that precious child of ours that God puts in our life.  We realize this could be a long wait and that seems a bit daunting.  Especially since the home study went so fast and easy.  I want to stay positive and I want to have faith that a mom is out there and will pick us and it will all work out, but I understand that is wishful thinking and not in our control.  There is so much more to adoption, the more I read and learn I feel armed but at the same time, I feel anxious to find out what our situation will be so I can mentally prepare.  I got on online to get some nursery ideas and can't help but wonder if we will have a boy or a girl.  I feel like working on the nursery is the next step in staying busy with the adoption and hopeful.  I know some people might be wondering why we want to work on the nursery because we don't even know when we will get our baby, and looking at an empty nursery would upset us.  That is not the case!  The void Joe and I have is of a child, a sibling to Lola, an addition to our life.  That is there everyday and has been for some time now regardless of whether or not there is an empty nursery.  We kept Lola's nursery until this past September without getting sad when we'd walk in there.  We finally made her nursery into an office for Joe, and everyone said "you know once you do that, you're going to have a baby", well hopefully everyone was right...just instead of having a baby...we will be adopting a baby...our child...a wonderful addition to our family...