Back in the mix...

I couldn't even post about this on Friday because I felt that you all needed a break from the roller coaster we are on.  I guess what I'm feeling is sadness, one adoptive parent put it like this:  It's an adoption miscarriage.  Adoption is a whole new world of pregnancy and the feeling of loss is just the same.  It is interesting to think that we could have connected and already felt a bond to this baby, but the result is we did, and we even named him.  We bought clothes (not many) and of course saved the receipts, but non the less we were bonding in the adoption way.  I think the worse day was Wednesday when they upped the price of this adoption by so much and I knew in my heart that this was not going to work out.  I cried then, I was sad.  I couldn't believe that our situation was unfolding in this manner.  I didn't want it to be like this.  All week I was so excited to meet the birth mom and focusing on that but in the back of my head the red flags kept presenting themselves.  Joe kept saying that is our baby out there and let's work it out, but once the last red flag presented itself his mind changed and he knew too.

Now for the roller coaster...  Late Friday afternoon we received yet another call that a mother might pick us.  Yes we did!  Obviously this time around and due to the circumstances we were not jumping for joy.  That is sad to me as well.  I didn't want to become numb to the phone calls but here we are.  Long story semi short is there is a birth mom in TX that picked 2 families out of 9 and we are one of them.  The social worker in TX called me Friday and I didn't expect that since we haven't been chosen yet.  She wanted to call the families and give them the low down on the birth mother's situation because there is a lot to her story.  Which I can't say I didn't want but it's a lot to take on.  I took several notes and I spoke with this women for over an hour, she had a lot to share.  What I did learn is that this agency in TX that has one of our profile books seems very legit, the social worker is a licensed social worker as well as the CEO of this adoption agency and she was thorough and nice.  We will find out more tomorrow.