52 Days!

That sure sounds like a lot of days to me to continue this pumping schedule...whew!! Less than 8 weeks, possibly 7 if they are scheduling her for a C-section.  He is considered full term on December 30th!! 

Monday I sent an email to our case worker inquiring if it was too much of me to request that our potential BM get some ultrasound pictures at her appointment this Friday.  In return I received this "Kim, please call me so I can explain to you last night's events".  Anxiety and sadness over took me and I walked around the house thinking 'nope I don't want to call you', I was scared to get bad news.  I paced the house for like five minutes and then just faced the call and immediately told the case worker 'I'm scared of what you are going to tell me'.  She told me not to be scared and I felt a tiny bit of peace.  So, without sharing what was discussed because it is personal - I will share that it was baby mama/daddy drama - who needs that?!  In this world of adoption what we are experiencing is considered normal and par for the course but it totally zaps the warm and fuzzies from my heart about this process.  There is an unbelievable amount of drama in our adoption journey.  This is hard to deal with and I continue to just try and focus my energy to the end result.  I surely hope and pray that we are not being taken and this is a solid match.  That is a thought I have to continue to bounce out of my daily thoughts and it's real hard.  Here I am pumping 9x a day for our hopeful baby and seriously starting to get prepared and I honestly can say that I believe in this match, it's just not going extremely smooth.  I truly believe that this couple is not going to change their mind because of many reasons that I can not disclose but living with the day to day drama is challenging.

Over the weekend as we pulled out our Christmas decorations and put the tree up, Joe also drug out all our baby gear.  It was good to take inventory on what we still have from Lola.  We lent a lot of our stuff out over the years and some of it doesn't work anymore, and some we never got back.  Also one of my friends swapped car seats with me and brought me an infant car seat and I can check that off my registry.  We also found our Diaper Genie and I got to delete that from the list as well.  That felt good. I started cleaning up the items we have, washing stuff in baby detergent which smells so good and I finally mailed back the girly bedding I had previously purchased from the last match.