'Star Pupil'

Another week down, almost!  Our potential BM is almost 34 weeks which is four weeks down from when I started this countdown.  I'm lookng at it from the perspective of another four weeks and we'll be waiting anxiously for his arrival.

Well, we/I had a phone call with the BM yesterday and our case worker, and I went and bought a bottle of wine afterwards!  I don't even know what I can say other than a few picked adjectives such as awkward, dissapointed, and uneasy, that about sums it up.  It was nothing like the first one and I really think so much time has gone by without any nurturing from the agency, and that was part of the problem.  I wasn't properly prepared for some of the conversation which made me very uncomfortable.  Again, there is so much to adopting, emotionally.  I felt spent after the call.  I wanted to forget about adopting for a moment.  I wanted to break down and cry.  If we can just get through this stage of the process, I think I will feel better.  I need strength at times like yesterday and  for the rest of this process.  All I can say is that when things go cockeyed I feel extremely saddened.  I feel like this is the hardest thing on my emotions that I've ever gone through.  It is so difficult at times.  Other than what didn't go the way I hoped for on the call, the BM is doing well and the baby is doing fine - that's kinda all I got.  She did ask if we were excited and I said YES, I told her that we are preparing the nursery and getting ready.  She did get some ultrasound pictures but hasn't mailed them to the agency yet so I don't know if I'll get them or not.  She goes back to the Doctor in 2 weeks so hopefully before Christmas we'll get an update. 

On a bright note, my lactation nurse called me her 'star pupil'.  I called her to give her an update and she said I'm doing great.  She knows the process works if you dedicate yourself to it.  Those of you who know me personally know that when I put my mind to something I become extremely determined and give it my all and that's what I've done with this and it is going very well, other than how sleep deprived I am.