Still Waiting...

Saturday's yard sale was great, as soon as I put the $$$ in the bank I will transfer it to our You Caring website and you'll be able to see how much we've raised so far.  Thank you everyone for your donations and continued support!

On Monday I was given some information about a non-profit organization that helps pregnant women and does some adoptions as well.  I spoke with them and sent our profile book and contact information to them.  Their main focus is to minister to these women, house them, educate them during their pregnancy and afterwards.  They assist them in getting jobs and places of their own.  Every once in a while though some of the women choose adoption and that is where our profile book comes in.  This would be a much less expensive adoption if we were chosen through them. 

We have been waiting a few months now.  I don't find myself always wondering if it'll be the agency on the other line when the phone rings anymore.  I guess that means I'm less anxious but at the same time that anxiousness is what keeps you moving and excited.  I wouldn't say I feel discouraged but the more time passes and we don't hear from the agencies, I find myself less focused on bringing home our baby.  I wonder if anyone in Florida has looked through our profile book?  However I just can't call asking that every week, that is not how this works.  We should probably join an adoption support group but there are so many things Joe and I should be doing that I'm not sure when that will happen. 

Anyhow, we are still waiting patiently and I guess that maybe after my Dad visits in a few weeks that Joe and I should start working on our spare room and making it into a nursery.

Yard Sale Tomorrow!

It'll be hot, but hopefully well worth it! I'm feeling a bit lazy as far as pricing goes. Everyone bargains anyhow and I'm good at on the spot pricing to get the item sold so that's how it's going down tomorrow. I just have to get to the bank, pick up some tables and bring the stuff over to my friends house. If anyone loves yard sales, this will be the neighborhood for you tomorrow. Around 50 homes are participating and you can come support us and then go visit some of my favorite antique shops close by in downtown Nolensville, as well as have lunch at the Nolensville Feed Mill.  The neighborhood is McFarlin Pointe next to Rock Springs Elementary School.  Thank you to everyone who donated items, you all have been extremely generous and it's been awesome.  And whoever gave us the princess slippers, Lola took them and has been rocking them.  They were the same ones she outgrew, she totally spotted them in the garage and I found her wearing them...I'm totally making her pay for them :)  See you all tomorrow!!

Setting up shop again...

A friend of mine had a wonderful offer for us.  Her neighborhood is having their annual yard sale on Saturday, June 23rd.  She offered up her house for us to set up shop again.  Believe it or not we have accumulated enough items to do this all over again.  Everyone has continued to bring there donations from spring cleaning to us and my garage is not quite as full as before but there is definitely tons of dough to be made selling off these items.  I realize it is so much work figuring out pricing and getting all this stuff over to my friends house but the cool thing is I don't have to advertise this one.  Her neighborhood is huge, there is actually a map of the participating houses given to the cars in the beginning of the neighborhood and people come from all over so I would be just plain lazy if I didn't jump on this opportunity.  Can't wait to raise more money!

Ok...after I just posted this entry, I had to get back on because I checked my email and noticed we got a $500 donation on our You Caring website!!!!  I have a feeling I know just where it came from, you sneaky anonymous donor!   WOW!!  I'm speechless :))  We have raised over $2000 and my hope to get to at least $7500 is looking way more attainable then I ever thought!  Thank you, Thank you, Thank you..

I think I want my plant back!

Just kidding...

I'm OK!  I know I posted and then went off the radar yesterday, but that is what I needed to do.  Thank you all for your sweet thoughts, many cyber hugs, prayers, and just thinking of us.  It definitely was a hit yesterday on my heart but thankfully I believe so with that I know that there is a baby right for our family and that wasn't it.  Joe surprised me and came home of course he was working, but he was here which was nice. 

I can explain the feeling like this:  I feel as though I went for a fertility treatment...tried...waited for the result...AND... it was negative....  Did that too many times and always the same result!  That's what it feels like...

The bright side...  Our profile was picked out of 15 and we have only been waiting 2 months.  That means we had a good profile.  If we ever have another birth mother meeting, it'll be our second rodeo and at least know a little about what to expect.  We also have more time to raise more money :)

Amanda put it like this "Welcome to the roller coaster".  We just went up and down a hill...

Update...

just got a message from Amanda, after sleeping on it she decided to only meet Again with the family she is choosing. It is not us...

The Meeting...

Where to begin...  I don't think I really have the right words to explain how yesterday went so I'll use Amanda's words.  She said, "we were ourselves which is exactly what you want to be."  It wasn't like an interview you walk out of and think to yourself  I nailed that.  I guess maybe I was hoping for that or more confirmation that she liked us at least but she is a birth mom of fewer words and emotion.  I can only imagine what she is going through.  It seems as though she is being very practical about choosing a family.  She has the best intention for this baby to have a great home and is choosing a noble thing.  So for me to think why hasn't she choose us already, is selfish...  She seemed like a nice women, she was nervous as well.  She had her one girl friend with her and a male friend as support.  The birth father is in the Air Force and out of the country at the moment.  We told her about ourselves, how we met, what a day looks like in our family, favorite TV which I confessed was all of Bravo's Housewives.  We laughed often, we told her all about Lola, we discussed our views on education and all in all I think I answered as best I could without making a full of myself and Joe of course was awesome.  He was so cool, calm and collect.  If anything he could walk out and say I nailed it because he just rocked!  The meeting took all of 40 minutes.  I did get emotional a couple times.  Once when I was explaining the plant and giving it to her, the next time was something but I forget.  I was so emotionally exhausted after walking out of there.  She talked too and told us about herself and her family life and she also stated she wants a closed adoption after the birth of the baby.  And that she was adamant about.  She was a hard read for me and I don't know what I was expecting but you really can't speculate any part of adoption, that's for sure!

Around five o'clock last night after the birth mom met with the last family, Amanda texted me.  She didn't want to call me b/c she didn't want me to get too excited.  Umm....impossible we were actually sitting by the phone just waiting for a call :)   Excited we were to hurry and call her back!  The first meeting the birth mom had yesterday was with a couple who do not have any children and have been waiting over a year for a baby.  Then she met us and we did not bring Lola with us and have only been waiting two months.  The third family had a son around Lola's age and they too have been waiting over a year and they did bring their son to the meeting.  The birth mom enjoyed the meeting with the third family as she was able to watch them with their son.  So, she told Amanda that she would like to meet with us again and meet Lola.  She also wants to meet with the first couple again too!  But she doesn't want to meet the third family again.  Amanda kinda took that as they are out of the decision.  The birth mom did inquire how long everyone has been waiting and the only concern with us is that if we are chosen that since Lola is our biological child that this baby will be the "adopted one".  The first couple who she is considering doesn't have any children and have been waiting much longer.  I'm not sure what this all means, I'm not sure how to approach this all with Lola either.  I'm just not sure how I feel except that she is still considering us and obviously liked us enough to want to meet again and meet Lola. 

Amanda suggested that this next meeting (sometime this week) would be at Starbucks, I was like NO!  Lola in Starbucks where she can't drink a mocha choca latte and eat biscotti's, especially with her nut allergy all up in Starbucks with nothing to do, would be a DISASTER!  So Amanda then suggested something like milkshakes and the park.  Much better for a 5 year old.  Also with this 5 year old, I sure hope birth mom is aware that "out of the mouth of babes" is how to describe Lola.  I really don't know what Lola might say to this birth mom if she knows that she is a possible birth mom.  I picture something like "Hey is that our baby in your belly?"  Let's be real here, she's five, very perceptive and inquisitive.  I am in shock sometimes when she speaks!  We need some assistance on how to approach this!  What to tell Lola? what not to tell Lola?.  Are we OK with putting Lola in this emotional situation?!  I read some books on adoption and I don't remember this part...HELP!

Since we aren't the only family she is considering I don't know how I feel right now.  Cautiously optimistic maybe...  My heart is hurt just a bit but this is part of it and this is not in our hands and we believe in that.  We are very aware that there is a baby for us, this might be it and it might not.  

What's on my mind...

My mind has been running wild since the call.  I can't help but feel over joyed.  I'm excited to meet the birth mom, I need to find out if the birth dad will be there too??  I know what I'm wearing :)  I also know what I'm bringing, however I still don't know what I'll be saying...  I have only called Amanda once since she made the call, to ask if I could bring the mom a gift.  I have this plant from my friend's mom back in DE that I just keep giving clippings of to people as gifts.  I have given clippings to some of the friends, neighbors, strangers that have given us donations for our yard sale and given us monetary donations as a way of saying thank you.  I have also given it to a dear friend while she made her way here to visit and took it back with her to Oregon.  This plant is everywhere and is very special to me.  I wanted to bring the birth mom a part of it and tell her thanks for considering us to be parents of her baby.  I thought since I've used this plant as part of saying thanks to others that have helped us on this journey, I found it meaningful to give a part of it to her as this is part of our journey, a huge part.  This is who I am and what I felt I wanted to bring with us, so I hope it doesn't look as though we are trying to over sell ourselves like we did in our birth parent letter!  It really is a meaningful gift that I want her to have, regardless if she picks us.  Since the call, I feel as though we have a great shot at this and of course if it's not meant to be, we understand.  BUT, I can't help but want it to be!  I have pictured this baby in the womb, thought of names because what if that's one of the questions the birth mom asks, nothing comes to mind though.  I've thought about $$$ and how much we need.  I thought about what a great situation this would be for us since this is a local adoption.  I thought about what if she picks us and allows us to be at the hospital for the birth.  I thought about what this birth mom is facing and think that what if I cry for her when I meet her.  I wonder if Joe will be nervous and not himself during this meeting or if I will over talk him like I always do!!  One great thing is that I am good at being myself, always.  Of course I'll try to be a little bit more reserved and let Amanda facilitate this meeting and hopefully my nerves once we are asked questions will dissolve.  We do need to explain what a week in our household looks like as well as a day....should I refrain from telling her that Lola yells from the upstairs bathroom "I went poo poo, can you come wipe me?"  I really don't know if she wants to know what a day looks like from my perspective cause it is a very, long, list!

All while writing this entry, Lola was upstairs separating her books, a pile for a baby and a pile for her.  She even went in the spare room that will eventually be the nursery and put some of her old clothes in there for a baby.  I love her!!!  Even though she's realizing that a baby will change things in our home and she is dealing with some of that anxiety, she still is displaying positive behavior towards having a sibling!